The "Normal" One

"No one with an abnormal sibling has a normal childhood. Consciously or unconsciously, every intact sibling is haunted by the fear of catching the disability, a fear that always has a modicum of psychological truth. Family gatherings and significant events become occasions for anxiety and suppressed shame. Cheerful caretakers, mature before their time, they are supposed to consider themselves lucky to be normal. They feel tormented by the compulsion to compensate for their parents' disappointments by having no problems and making no demands, and they are often unaware of the massive external and internal pressure to pretend that nothing is amiss. Their success is always tainted by their sibling's failure, their future clouded by an untoward sense of obligation and responsibility. Their goal is to be as different from their sibling as possible. They live forever in the shadow of the one who does not function."
Excerpt from the introduction to "The Normal One" by Jeanne Safer

I was actually unaware of this book until just a moment ago, after I created the title of this blog. I was trying to find a quote or poem that would help me start this blog and I just so happen to stumble upon a site for Siblings of Special Needs Children and it had a link to the site of Jeanne Safer and it had a larger excerpt. I will now be ordering or running to Barnes-Noble for this book tomorrow.
I should include the link to her page in this to. So here it is: http://thenormalone.com/

As for me. I think you can conclude that I am the "normal" one. I am a teenager who just completed her first year of college while still in high school. Including being the sibling to a brother with special needs, I also have a chronic disablility. I have JRA (Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis) and FMS (Fibromyalgia). My autistic older brother is 20 and is graduating this month, which is a whole new journey in his life and the life of our family, the start of that journey is having to battle the task of cleaning our house for his graduation party next weekend.

And I'd like the disclaimer up, I'm not "normal," not by any means. Normal just can not exist as any definition of a person. No one is "just normal." No one. The title came about because that is what I often came and come across, "Oh, you're the normal one" or "Thank God your parents had at least one normal child." And my parents would be the ones who say, "Thank God we have two wonderful, healthy, beautiful children."

..CD..